Thoughts on a Growing Season
You are growing here.
I'm grateful for words—particularly when they provide deep encouragement, or speak to me in a way that tells me that I am not alone. "You are growing here." Words from Morgan Harper Nichols that lit a spark and stirred up new hope in me. For so long now, I've described the current season of my life as a waiting season. Waiting for my husband, for life to make sense, to reach a safe place. Covering my thoughts, fears, anxieties, and feelings of being stuck with the word waiting felt right, it gave purpose the aching. In worship at church, I heard the words "He is in the waiting" and hope rushed in. God is here with me in the waiting, therefore I have no fear.
As time continued to pass and I continued to wait on my prayers to be answered, it became harder to trust without worry. I see everyone around me already experiencing the very things I've sat up late at night asking God for, year after year. I wonder why I must continue to wait. It has been everything but easy, but for the last year I continued to trust God in the waiting and hope for the future as best as I could each day. One step forward, maybe a few steps back, but always met with grace. A few weeks ago I read a poem that said "you are growing here." These words settled my heart and shifted my thoughts. Through conversations with dear friends and committing my time to seeking the Lord, I've realized that waiting doesn't mean.. sitting around and waiting. That's what I used to believe, that I would have to be patient and continue to wait, with expectation of course. Honestly, it felt like I was stuck in a place I'd been to before over and over again.
I heard the word growing, and I thought about how deeply beautiful and essential this season is. It's not a stand-still. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Only if you choose to believe it, this season is DEEP GROWTH out of which your beautiful life will be shaped by. A time of waiting, of silence, of being alone— it's transformative when you fill the extra space up to the brim with the Lord and committing every breath, every step each day to listening to Him.
I've felt the weight of that extra space hard in the last year, and it led to a dark place until I realized its purpose in my life. The Lord has all of me, alone with him for a purpose. To grow me in love with Him, and lead me to becoming who I am as He has purposed me to be. The silence was the very thing I needed to hear God clearly speaking to me. I never would have asked for it for myself, however it has been the most glorious time I have ever experienced. Because the Lord purposed this time in my life as a time to plant my roots deep with Him—now the silence, then waiting, I realized, was a time of movement. Growth, learning more about the Father's heart, pursuing dreams deeply planted in my heart, traveling to discover more of this beautiful world.
Those words offered encouragement to me because I realized that how precious and important each moment is, and now I have learned to embrace it all—every beautiful, tired, restless, terrifying, wonderful moment. The so in love moments and those filled up with purpose. Even the aching and the darkness. Those moments on my knees, feeling heartbreak and doubt. It's soul-stirring and powerful because it leads to glory.
I'm grateful, now, to understand that the change taking place in my life through this purposed season is glorious for the fact that the Creator of miracles and all things beautiful knows the fullness of who I am in Him, even when I haven't reached that place yet. My heart is growing stronger through every trial, every anxious thought, every breath. When the prayers I have desperately repeated come to life, I'll be confident because my faith cannot be shaken. I'll be my truest self, alive with wonder and joy and dancing—and in that place, where I've come to know a grace-filled love unlike anything else, I'll be free to love others deeply. It's a sort of preparation for the people and moments ahead in my life. That makes me giddy, thinking about where it all leads and who I'm becoming.
So feel it all, deep in your bones. The aching, the heartbeat, the beauty, every hard and trying moment. Because "you are growing here."