California & God's Faithfulness
In the last two years, I’ve learned more about my Father and his heart for me like never before. I have experienced his love, and I am in awe of his kindness towards me. I want to write about a beautiful experience I had with the Lord, where he showed me his kindness and faithfulness, and to this day I’m seriously SO excited remembering all He did. I lived in California last year, I’ve shared just how beautiful and exciting it was for me, but I don’t think I’ve talked to many people about what this time showed me. What it means to me. I interned at Darling Magazine in Los Angeles, California and so far it has been the best time of my life (although I’m really looking forward to other things that will take that place like getting married). For four months, I hiked the prettiest, green, flowery hill almost daily, where at the top the most beautiful view of city and of ocean met me.
I spent every weekend in Santa Monica- living 20 minutes from the ocean is incredible. And everyday I rode the bus + the metro to downtown LA. California was green and golden, so colorful. It was beautiful- also a little smelly and hectic -much different than Kansas where I’ve lived my whole life. And working at Darling was a dream (and still is the dream always). Those four months were not all wonderful, all the time. I didn’t know anyone in the city, spent the majority of my time at Starbucks down the street watching movies because I didn’t have wifi, and I didn’t have a car to get around. And yet, living there felt like I was home. And that’s why I love it so much. It was the place I belonged. That I could belong.
I spent my last college semester in Los Angeles. Before then, college was sort of the worst time of my life. I love everyone I met and I miss my college town dearly. The majority of my time there, however, was extremely difficult. I won’t get into so much detail— basically I had a hard time making friends and felt lonely most of the time. And I don’t like school at all. (Also, not sure why I’m being this vulnerable on the internet, haha, but it is an important part of the story!)
It was hard for a long time. I made an effort to belong somewhere, anywhere, yet I continued to feel out of place. In the spring of my junior year I decided to work with my counselor on my schedule to leave school a semester early. I believed it was the decision I was supposed to make, yet I had no idea what it would mean. I didn’t feel known, but leaving was scary because I didn’t want to be forgotten. That was in March 2016. And life went on and I trusted God but in August, back in Kansas, I once again felt alone. Then in November, I received an email from Darling about interviewing for an internship. I’d applied three separate times, so hearing from Darling-a source of deep inspiration and beauty in the form of words that I’m forever obsessed with-was incredible. I probably cried. A week and an interview later, I received an email letting me know I’d received the internship. I danced in the living room and fell on the floor with excitement, feeling like I was in a dream.
Deciding to leave school early turned out to be the absolute best plan as it later allowed me to easily pack my bags and move to California. I didn’t know in March that the decision I made would lead me to California. But the Lord was at work in my waiting, wondering, confused season.
God was in the details, when I didn’t understand. When I didn’t see what the purpose was or where I was going next. I’m in awe that He wants to provide for me what my heart desires most. He knows my heart and He cares to bless me, down to the detail. And I trust that He will do it again.
And now, California is my most favorite and it feels like home. I can’t wait to move there and road trip to Big Sur and Salvation Mountain on the weekends and live out all my dreams.
PS- The photos in this post were taken in San Fransisco, the first one just beyond the Golden Gate. It was incredible, I highly recommend hiking up there, it will fill you with wonder.